she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
