can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize