I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
