He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
