So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
