drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
