yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
