you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
