Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
