If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
