Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
