Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
