dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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