I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
