Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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