there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
