I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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