we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
