3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
