hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
