ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
