Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
