I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
