so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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