The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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