When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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