He kissed a someone with a penis
what day is it and did you see me today?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
