i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
