So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
