I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
