He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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