Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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