The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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