She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
