im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
