; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
