so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my sisters under your porch take her home
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
did i walk over a car last night?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
