am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
