My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
