My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
