She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize