The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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