I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
