the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
