The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize