I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
