is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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