I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
