remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
