Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
