So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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