Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
