So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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