The best revenge is premature balding
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
