I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
