you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
