I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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