after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Drunk is not a location!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
