Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
