I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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