just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
