i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
