Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
