Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
