Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
