Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
