I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize