Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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