it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
